i know what it’s like to love someone so much that you can’t let go.

i know what it’s like to love someone so much that you put them before your own fucking self-respect and dignity.

i know what it’s like to cry every single night over them.

and i know it was love, because it was almost 3 years ago, and it still hurts, and i’m still in love with him. i know he doesn’t deserve me, but i push that aside.

and i know that if the person i marry, be with for the rest of my life, wake up to every morning, kiss, feel, and even fucking fight with is not him, it is not right; it is not real; and it is not what i want. and this will be the case.

i don’t know why i’m getting like this.

i haven’t thought of him in near 10 months.